what is love

I totally agree with you, you are a very intelligent person and I must add very aware of what is happening in the world today.

As people we all have our own individual preferences and tastes. We are attracted to a person on different levels.... physically, mentally and spiritually. Those are all healthy attributes and a normal part of the human condition. However, we tend to place too importance a value on attributes that in the end are not conductive to a lasting relationship.

If the only glue binding you to a person is physical attraction for example, then what if that was taken away? What then, can still be there for that person. As I understand it, a lot of people would not stay. Or maybe your with a person because of social status and/or they are wealthy etc. Again, take it away and would you stick around. It takes much more than just these things alone to allow a relationship to grow and withstand the test of time. All of these attributes can be changed/adjusted/taken away and through our lives they all will be tested and you had better have more than the superficial if you are to withstand the storms of life. Storms will come, this we know, but can your relationship stand the rain? It's the day to day temptations and trials of life that can do it in if left unchecked.

Now, if when you look at a person, and see more than the physical, see more than the social status and means and what you find is WHO they are (character, values) and WHAT they have (love, kindness and compassion) and it resonates on a level with you, then you have something special. You and them have a bond that is much stronger and deeper than just the surface and really unimportant things that so many people seek, then you have a relationship that will withstand the rain. You know that you can depend on them and they you. You know that you can give all the love needed and they will give it back in return, then you can be free and happy in love, life and relationship. These are the things that we should seek.

The problem however is that if your part of the chaos you can not really see a clear picture. We can not see past what we don't understand and we must have an enlightened mind. Change comes about through your experiences you have and those experiences from the choices we make. We learn and grow by making better choices, thus better and difference experiences. Hopefully we reach a point of enlightenment and begin to realize that the old notion and ways of thinking are petty and unimportant.

Let me give you some perspective. You see this supermodel chick with this dorky little short dude. You may say, what up with that?. Well, this guy is giving her what she needs in whatever capacity... physical, mental, spiritual, etc. He makes her happy, whole and complete and that relationship is solid. I'm going on the assumption that she is attracted to him for all the reasons I've spoken about. My point is that this is what love is all about. It is much more than just these attributes alone, but a complex mix that when taken together can generate bliss for a couple.

So what we should seek is to connect with someone that is right for you, that fits your personality and views about life, love and relationship. If your views are shallow and that is all, then don't complain, cry and moan when it all comes crashing down because more likely than not it well. Look around and what do we see... so many failed and broken relationships. Sigh. It has taken failure, heartbreak and stress for me to come to these conclusions. So I'm not just talking out of my neck but from experience. I've made all the mistakes that one can make, but thank God I'm learning and growing and moving beyond the chaos and now see a more true and clearer picture.

In closing, people stop putting so many limits on love. Be who you are for sure and don't compromise your integrity, but we can put so many limits on love to not allow ourselves to see when love, true love comes your way.

This was quite an insightful piece. I would add though that people are constantly changing and this is another factor which must be considered in a relationship dynamic. So the person you have fallen in love with a few years back may be completely different over time. Not all situations are like this but especially in the earlier years in one's adolescence (which can go into one's late 20s depending on how you define it) people can change quite dramatically as they are learning more about themselves and what they want from a partner.

I read some good advice once about how people should be analyzing their relationship and themselves not just from the starting point- as in when the two people met- but at different stages of the relationship such as when things start to get serious, to engagement/living together right through to marriage and beyond. This resonated with me as I had not previously considered this and it makes a lot of sense to me the person you met years ago can change and your preferences for a partner can change as well. So that a current partner may not be suitable for a person as time progresses.

However overall it was a good piece and I especially liked the mention of chaos and evaluating who a person is and what they have to offer. I agree many people may lose sight of this when life gets chaotic and all people should keep this in mind or find time to reflect on it regardless of the chaos in their life.

Thanks for the post! It has given me much to reflect on! :D

@studious21
Thanks.

Also good point about the fact that people are constantly changing. So very true. Ahh yes... the thing that remains constant is change.

I have discovered that a relationship will be tested and challenged in all areas. If its built on a solid foundation (true love, trust, honesty, communication etc) then as change comes about... this "glue", hopefully will be strong enough to keep it together. There will be cases where people simply just grow apart so all of it must be factored into the equation and dealt with as needed.

I just think that love should not be so complicated. Just like software development, it is inherently a complicated and complex thing in general, especially dealing with human emotion. But, I just feel like if we are truly honest with ourselves then it should be less so.

Life often requires us to take chances, with no guarantees. Then how do we really know? By following your heart. The heart knows, what the heart knows. There is really no rhyme or reason to love. No, order or logic. It just IS. And we will find that the person whom we end up with my not necessary be the person we have in our minds eye. Yet whom ever they are, where ever they come from, if they make you happy, whole and complete, then that is a person suited for you. That person is giving you would you need.

If you are secure enough in your relationship, agile enough to when it is tested, then you can over come the problems that can tare it apart. Sure people change and things in life around us will change, but what they have between them (love, thrust, honesty, communication, joy and peace) if all the other material and superficial things are shaken, then what they have can get all those things back. The synergy you have (or should have) with your spouse should be able to get the fame, money, car, house etc. The things that are important for living and even the extra... if you follow what I mean here. Being happy implies something "happening" but the joy can not be shaken (or should not be) because it does not depend on material things, but the eternal connection you have with your spouse. Sure, real life can be very brutal and is not so clear cut (many shades of gray), but I think you can understand my point.

Let us celebrate love, life and relationship and make it less complicated!

However overall it was a good piece and I especially liked the mention of chaos and evaluating who a person is and what they have to offer. I agree many people may lose sight of this when life gets chaotic and all people should keep this in mind or find time to reflect on it regardless of the chaos in their life.
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